Finding My Frat Pack

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." ~ Oprah Winfrey

I'm not sure at what point in my life “friends” became somewhat of a dirty word.

I grew up in the 90's and survived many 3-way call sting operations where two of your

girlfriends turned against you. At the end of each episode there would be a slight

confrontation and then we'd be hanging out again at the park and having slumber parties.

Another confusing aspect to friendship were the labels. I grew up thinking you had one or

two Best Friends and the rest were just Good Friends.

My understanding of Best Friend’s Characteristics:

  • know everything about you

  • have your back

  • support you

  • encourage you through the good, the bad, and even the ugly.

And Good Friends:

  • know you a little

  • go for coffee now and then

  • talk about day to day things like kids, work, or family.

I never intended to label my friends, it's just the way things were. And my best friends were

Best Friends Forever, no matter what!

But what happens when a life long best friend turns out to be someone who contributes to

anxiety or self doubt? Or you grow apart and don't follow the same values anymore? Then

one day you realize you're the only one still holding on to that half of the Best Friends

Forever pendant you exchanged years ago.

When I was working through the Oola program I experienced a bit of an awakening with this

F word. I decided to remove the labels from my friendships.

When I looked at the people in my life I realized I was holding on to some pretty toxic

friendships. Eventually without my intention a lifelong friend abruptly ended our friendship.

This stung. I had spent the better part of the year being her support and cheerleader as she

navigated through a marriage breakdown. When I was in need of support during a hard time

she dropped me and also betrayed. My season of hardship did not align with her personal


It wasn't easy but it also wasn't as hard as I imagined.

I decided to join groups that aligned with my interests. So in the summer of 2020 I

participated in an Oola for Women's book club. We were a small group of local women who

gathered weekly to read and talk.

I was surprised to find out I wasn’t the only one who struggled with the category of friends.

We all struggled discussing this. I was amazed and felt so connected to the other women.

We named our new found friendship the “Frat Pack”. We laughed, cried and worked through

our friendship horror stories together. This was exactly what I needed as I mourned losing a

life long friendship. With this group of women I gained the confidence to move forward.

Life is such a beautiful journey. It’s okay to make uncomfortable changes. Maybe you need

to take off the labels you attached to friends. Be honest with the evaluation of your

relationships. If you need to walk away from some that have become toxic have faith that

there are others waiting to fill the void.

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